Merry Christmas my Darling Gerry,
It is Christmas eve 2019, and all I want for Christmas is you. Happy, healthy and just the fun-loving man you always were. I love and miss you so very much, it hurts to be without you. I miss you with every beat of my heart and can’t wait to be in your arms again.
Christmas holds no magic any more without you. I have managed to put up the decorations this year. The first time since 2012. Austyn and Violet with be having a sleep over during Christmas and expect to see the decorations and tree. They have never seen them. It was very hard work putting them up and it feels so emotional and strange without you. I look around and remember all the wonderful magical Christmases we had together. We always made love under the Christmas tree and in front of the fire. I remember when and where we bought all the decorations. The Santa poster you painted when the boys were small in 1984 still hangs on the lounge door.
You always made Christmas so magical and fun, and I hate the fact that you are missing out on so much. Especially with the grandchildren. I do hope that you are able to celebrate Christmas where you are and have lots of fun. I will be raising a whisky toast to you tonight when I send the letters, I have written for you up the chimney.
I will spend tomorrow lunch and early afternoon at Johns, Lindsay’s dad along with Jamie and his family. Then I will go to Darren’s and have another Christmas diner with him and his family. I don’t know yet whether I will stop over for the night. I will wait and see how I am feeling. I might just want to come home and sit by the fire and reflect. I shall of course take you with me for the day as I don’t want you to miss out and I can’t bear to be without you. I always take you to bed with me and have a cuddle.
Please always remember that I love and miss you with all my heart. I wish I could turn back time and make sure that you did not get heart disease and cancer. I wish I had made you go to the doctor earlier so that you could have been cured and miss all that heinous treatment, pain, fear, terror and loneliness. The physical, emotional and mental torture is totally unthinkable. You came through it all fighting hard for your life with great bravery, dignity, and strength. I am in admiration of your spirit.
Until we meet again.
All my love forever and always.
Maggie XxX